Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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