what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
