Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
