i may or may not be watching the land before time
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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