They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
