No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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