Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
