After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize