Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think a kid would responsible me up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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