I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
