Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
