I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
