i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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