possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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