my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
