Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
