How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
