You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
PANTIES FOUND
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