oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
