Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
