Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
