the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
