I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
