My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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