drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize