they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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