I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
