I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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