we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize