do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
