I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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