does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
