Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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