she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
