come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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