she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
