i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize