Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
