I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
