apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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