I think I died a long time ago.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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