she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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