oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
