the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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