Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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