it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
