You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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