My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize