there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
