I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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