so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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