I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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