what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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