She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So squirting runs in the family.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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