32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
