Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
