so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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