I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
