I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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