Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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