Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
