AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
