I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
