The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize