I heard we made out
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
