pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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