Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
