I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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