His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
