Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
