he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
