I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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