I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
