did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize