Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
