He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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